Saturday, November 8, 2008
Socialism in America: Four Plans for the Automotive Industry in America.
While our fearless congressional leaders debate the most recent socialist revolution in the auto industry (listen up airline comrades, you’re next), I thought I’d lay out some of my own “bail out” plans. Let’s see if you, dear reader, can find the one that is not a joke!
Plan A: Automakers are bailed out by billions of hard earned tax dollars with only two conditions. All car symbols and logos are to be replaced by the sickle and hammer, and the only available color will be red. This will be a reminder to all Americans that the douche bag driving that Escalade is really a commie pinko.
Plan B: Automakers are bailed out by billions of hard earned tax dollars with the following conditions. If you buy a car from an automaker that’s been bailed out, anyone living in your neighborhood is allowed to use the vehicle any time they wish. In addition, it will be federal law that all radio station presets be tuned to the local NPR station.
Plan C: Automakers are bailed out by billions of hard earned tax dollars with the following conditions. The money is spent to retool factories for hybrid electric vehicles that get a minimum of 80 mpg, and to provide a living wage and adequate health care for all employees.
Plan D: Automakers are bailed out by billions of hard earned tax dollars with the following condition. The CEO, CFO and the entire board of directors have to personally visit each American taxpayer and offer them a conciliatory reach around or mustache ride.
The picture above? Why that's comrade Rick Wagoner, CEO and lead douche bag of General Motors. Why is he smiling? He's about to take billions of your hard earned tax dollars!